We all have that one special person who bores the hell out of us; and is sometimes, impossible to avoid. Actually, I want to go back and correct myself- we all have multiple such people who we are always trying to avoid. These people come in many types and have different approaches to get under our skin. Here I am going to discuss a few common types and their easy home-made remedies. Of course they are not “sure-shot” remedies. There are no sure-shot remedies; I am not going to lie to you. Anyway, let’s begin-
1. 1. The constant nagger
This one knows a bit about you. He is a close family member or an inadvertent friend. He strikes when you are at crossroads regarding a big career or personal decision. He has already made that decision for you and wants you to follow it. His nagging mostly begins with- “Why don’t you follow my advice and…” and ends with- “… I just hope you know what you’re doing.” His passion regarding your life is commendable. It’s as if he was about to commit suicide at the lake and suddenly epiphany struck and he realized that his sole motto in life was to help you.
Remedy– Just keep nodding your head until it’s over. Space out, count till thousand, just do whatever it takes to stop his constant jabber from reaching your brain. He may try to annoy you by bringing this topic when you’re sitting in a group, try to excuse yourself, feign a phone call and just leave the room.
2. 2. The repeater
This one is a harmless kind. It’s just that he has had only a very few cool things happen to him in his life till now. That’s why there is a false alarm whenever he comes across anything that is out of the ordinary. He also repeats his stories as if he’s a tape-record on loop. He also has a story in store for every occasion- The same story, every single time. The worst part is his stories are connected. Whenever one story is over and you try to leave the room sensing a window of opportunity, the other story picks up from the ending of that story and you have to sit through it too.
Remedy– Never sit down when a story is underway, it might have an abrupt end. Tip-toe around the door and just as soon as the anecdote is over, smile and take the helm in your hands. Say things like “Wow, this was fun…” etc and end it with “Ok, now I gotta go, I must check on…”
3. 3. The phone-assassin
He is most probably a friend of a friend or a person who has a crush on you. It’s sweet in the beginning but then the number of phone calls and their duration begin to rise above the acceptable limit.
Remedy– Don’t pick it up!!
4. 4. The silent killer
This is a variant of the above type. He is not as frequent and deadly but when he calls, he lingers. There is no way to hang up the phone without offending him. Technically, the person who calls has to hang up first but, in this case, he calls and just doesn’t say “bye” at the end of conversation. Instead, he says- “So, what else?” all the time.
Remedy– Be impolite and say “Hey, I got to rush, there’s this thing…” It will be rude but he’ll get the drift.
5. 5. The inappropriate
Then there is the type which is the hardest to deal with. He mostly approaches its victim through text or Facebook messages. Commonly there is a gap of at least a few months between its two attacks. In these months, there might have been unpleasant changes in your personal life that you may not want to discuss with a near-stranger. This one doesn’t really mind the gap. His first question takes you off-guard as he enquires about your break-up and goes delving deeper into your other family problems. You, for the first time, feel the pain of stars who have to wash their dirty linen in public due to undue interference by the paparazzi.
Remedy– Say everything is fine on your side. Ask equally personal questions. Hope for a miracle.