Ae ji O ji, main hoon Emoji

So Whatsapp has this intersting new feature where you can select the skin colour of the emoji you are sending on chat. It is a hard choice because in that very moment, when you are set to choose the skin colour, your brain helps you realize if you have been a closet racist all this while.

You might think that it is just a stupid smiley and why would a silly app think so much about these options but, no! It is much more than that. It is a personality test like no other.

Now there are three kinds of people on this Earth. One- who would go for a lighter coloured smiley than their skin. Two- who would pick precisely the exact same colour as their own and; Three- who would choose a darker colour. There is the fourth kind who don’t give a rat’s ass but, they hardly matter, right?

So people who pick a lighter coloured smiley are known to be ambitious as they are aiming for something unrealistic. A lighter skin shade can get darker by tanning but, a darker shade cannot be lightened up unless you apply a lot of Fair and Lovely and walk into an interview with a ‘lalala’ background score. Also, Yami Gautam should walk in, out of no where and talk to a person wearing a lab coat standing in front of a transparent blue glass that compares skin shades. Because that is the only legit test scientists and Yamini Gautam know about. Of course, after that happens you get fairer and also get to feature in a photo montage where photos of your varying darkness are compared.

Ok, where was I? Yes, people who use lighter skin shade smiley. Obviously they are ambitious, dreamy and slightly stupid. Or they just might be using Fair and Lovely. Sometimes the venn diagrams of “stupid” and “using Fair and Lovely” coincide but that’s a mere coincidence!

Moving on to people who use exact same colour as theirs- these are people who are realistic. They know exactly what they want in life. These are the people who complain about the food to the head chef. They are honest to themselves and are know to say, ‘we are about to have coitus’ to their partners during moments of extreme passion. This often leads to a sharp decline in their likeablity and they rarely have coitus.
Third category is of people who choose a darker colour. Now obviously, as non-racist and non-hypocritical Indians, we all admit that darkness is directly proportional to ugliness. The fairer Indians are really proud of being fair. It is an absolute achievement and there are extra marks in examinations also for fair-skinned individuals. In such an environment, someone who uses a lower scale of fairness can only be called humble and down to earth. The humility and modesty is almost unheard of. The brave sacrifice is lauded by engineers at whatsapp who identify and acknowledge such individuals at the annual whatsapp nobel peace prize ceremony.

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