1. ‘I don’t read books but…’ type
Now these are the clueless ones. They see a cool thing on the internet and they have to go all clickety-click. Once they are at the venue, they ask the fellow members what the meetup is about. Sometimes they even interview the organizer- ‘So, since it is my first time, do you mind telling what the meetup is about and what are we going to discuss about?’
Erm… you read the description and RSVPed yes and then called me and then reached the venue, I thought you knew where you were headed.
Once you introduce the group to them, they grow slightly quiet. And you feel sorry for not being able to entertain them.
2. Super serious type
Now, literary discussions are usually charged. It is always imperative that some wisecracks are made in between and sometimes it is encouraged that we digress from the main topic. This offends them. Also they keep a track of who was given more time to speak and who wasn’t allowed to voice his opinion on this very important public forum. They usually take long pauses in between their sentences and if someone tries to speak in those pauses, they begin plotting for revenge.
3. The ‘I will be coming’ type
These just send a cryptic whatsapp message or text to the organizer and the text reads- ‘I will be coming!’ It reads more like a threat.
‘I am coming for you!’
They do not mention their name or profile or anything that can identify them because obviously they are either-
a) Super secret RAW agents and cannot divulge much information.
b) Are super famous celebrities and it should be your duty to look them up and find out who they are.
4. The braggers
They come to the meetup to brag. It is not true. Scratch what I just said. Bragging just occurs to them because they are pushed to a corner. When the round of introductions begins, they assume that it would obviously not reach them. So, they are unprepared with an introduction.
And then bam! The organizer points to them! How rude! So they lean back on their chair and think of all their childhood achievements and then list them out. Of course they do it all in a fake American accent to sound polite.
5. The young businessmen
Now this really isn’t a type. It is a profession. Except that they aren’t really young entrepreneurs. They are just guys with too much family money. Some identifiers are- a repeated mention of the fact that they are convent educated. (My Konwant Aijucation), large biceps (or hair streaks in case of women), oversized sunglasses (worn indoors of course) and an aversion to smiling too much.
So when they are bored of sitting at home, they come to grace the meetups and instead of hello, begin their sentences with- ‘Give me your phone number, I will call you.’
6. The ‘Here to meet ladies’ type
When the group is busy in heavy discussion, the plan is put to action. The guy leans to the girl sitting right next to him and asks, ‘So do you like to read too? Give me your number and we shall meet over coffee and discuss books.’
The girl is obviously creeped out and deflects the proposal with natural ease. The desperation of the guy reeks through his dark circles. He leans to the other girl and repeats the proposal. The room goes quiet as everyone is looking at him.
He leaves after a while become something important has come up.
7. The bloggers
Now there are two type of bloggers. People who like to plug their blog and people who don’t. Why would be talk about the later type so, let’s talk about the former ones.
They lean to the person sitting next to them and pretend to whisper although they are pretty loud. They mostly are either are helping the other person open their blog page on their phone and are making sure that they got the spelling of their URL right.
8. The one with the visiting cards.
These are just in the meetup for a personal plug. It is necessary to identify such people and quieten them. If the round of introduction reaches them, they begin with a quick introduction about themselves and then start talking about their business. Too late! The conversation is now hijacked and before you know it, you are signing consent forms for agreeing to sign up on their website.
9. ‘This isn’t my genre’
Sure, they read books but they walk into any meetup after having read just two books of the self-help genre. So when in the Jane Austen meetup, they are the only one who give two hoots about mystery and thriller novels, they begin talking about how awesome is Preeti Shenoy.
The members awkwardly listen to their rants with their heads down. It is a storm that passes in five minutes but oh! those five minutes!
10. RSVPed Yes
This is the last type which is sort of pointless. They are regular names on the RSVP list but never show up in the meetups. They are so regular with RSVPing that the organizer remembers their names. It is amazing because when they eventually do show up, they are given a red carpet welcome and are considered senior members of the group- you know the veterans, the old timers.
PS- Of course the above types are caricatures of the actual people who show up. I am blessed to have only awesome people show up at my meetups. Apologies if they hurt any sentiments. They are written just for the sake of good/ tasteless humour. Love to all.