I have been in multiple conversations. Deep intimate conversations. Conversations that outlast the night sometimes. Conversations that are like rolling boulders in a landslide, conversations that just cannot be stopped with brute force even.
And they all eventually roll into one valley- the valley of sex, love and marriage. It seems like the conversations want to go there. It is ridiculous. Ridiculous because I don’t want to go there. Especially when I am talking to my lady friends. Well, you might feel like it is awesome to have such intimacy with ladies but no! No sir, you are wrong. The thing is once they start talking about their love life and their deep dark secrets and slowly as they get more comfortable with you, the chances that you had with them slowly evaporate. I have been in enough such conversations to know that you can only come out of them as one of the girlfriends.
So it was an evening like any other and I had asked a female friend out. I was tired of staying single and from my side, it was a date. And then it began! She started talking about love etc. I tried to change the topic but to no avail.
‘Why is it that people hide their true feelings?’ She asked innocently.
‘Uhh.. this chai is really nice. I bet they have a secret ingredient.’ I nervously simpered.
‘My ex, he used to tell me that he loved me with all his heart and then I caught him. Red handed! He was using Tinder!’ She yelled.
I looked around, slightly embarrassed.
‘Maybe he was looking for friends’ I caught the bait!
‘Friends! He has a zillion friends! And I saw his chats too! He was flirting full-on!’ She stared at me.
‘So, do you watch Game of Thrones?’ I asked.
‘And look at his audacity, he said that I was overreacting!’ She exclaimed.
‘There is this character called Tyrion Lannister in the series’ I was adamant.
‘Hmm… maybe. But the thing is how could he say that? After all we had been through! I am through! I am done with men, yaar,’ She sounded dejected.
‘I am so sorry you feel that way,’ I offered some sympathy. ‘So, this isn’t a date then?’
‘Hahaha.. you are funny!’ She said.
The question hung awkwardly in the air now. It was or wasn’t a date!?! Of course it wasn’t. She was done with men.
‘Thank God that you are there to listen to me, yaar. None of my friends understand these finer emotions. They say I should just move on.’ She went on.
‘It is hard to move on. I know. You are right, there is no off switch!’ I sighed.
‘There is no off switch! Exactly! So what are we ordering?’ She looked at me quizzically.
I looked at the menu. It seemed like the date was over. I almost thought of calling for the bill.
‘I think one should just have casual sex and live the single life!’ She said.
I called the waiter and ordered a large veg pizza with extra cheese.
‘So, about casual sex, do you think that is how you want to live now?’ I tried to remain calm.
‘Not me. I think I am past my wild days. You should have met me earlier! I was super insane those days!’ She said.
Darn it! I looked at the price of the pizza and made a face.
‘But this is even more awesome than sex. A good conversation with a good person while having good food.’ She smiled.
‘Sure, of course, absolutely’ I smiled.
‘Someone who just understands you and won’t judge you for who you are. You are a true friend.’ She went on.
‘Yes, I am all those things’ I smiled and said.
‘So, sex is off the table then?’ I asked with deadpan serious look on my face.
She was startled. But regained her composure in a few moments. ‘Haha.. you are funny!’ She added.
‘No, but I am serious. I am a jerk and I came here thinking about sex’ I said with an unfathomable audacity.
‘Now, don’t say that. You are not a jerk and it is okay to be honest. I appreciate your honesty.’ She smiled.
The pizza had arrived. She was hell bent on liking me while I didn’t want to be liked. I wanted something insane, something which wasn’t normal.
She smiled and served me a slice of pizza. I smiled too.
We are doing normal then.
‘So what is your favourite sex position?’ I cupped my chin in my palm and dug the table with my elbows. I was hell bent on being normal.
‘Missionary’ She said brutally. There was an unflinching determination in her words.
‘Cool’ I surrendered.