There are these Facebook posts about how crackers leave so little carbon footprint as compared to various other lifestyle choices. I read those posts and then step out and have difficulty breathing. I breathe in the toxic stench of smoke let out by these crackers. I see people with a handkerchief on their nose, lighting up a long, smoke emitting, noisy series of crackers. I feel physical pain in my chest. I see the smoke hanging in the air ominously but then I think about the Facebook post and my wheezing relaxes. My eyes, too, stop watering because someone had written a detailed post with specific data about the carbon footprint. I would like to thank that person who calculated those figures. Very helpful. My lungs have stopped dying because you know, carbon footprint.