I know there are people out there who find meaning in you by working as hard as they can and making as much money as possible. But the problem with me is that I just do not have the will to grab you by the throat and wrangle you so you release all your riches to me. I would rather sit in a couch and watch you unfold.
It is difficult to understand what I want with you and it may be misconstrued as lack of ambition which it is not! I am not willing to flounder you away but I do not want to die trying for something as shallow as financial success. I know it is very hip to put money down and yes, it runs the world. But somehow, no matter how hard I try, money just doesn’t follow me. I cannot chase money because I am not love with it.
Zindagi, I would rather chase you. I would rather have you by my side as I sit on a beach and watch the waves crash against the rocks. I would also want you to listen as I chuckle in the night while reading P G Wodehouse. I would like a good home and a job that I love. And I am okay if I don’t get that. The dream of that home and that job would do too. Yes, it is as simple as that. We are what we see ourselves as. And I see myself as someone who finds meaning in endeavours.
Zindagi, I would not give up on my dreams. I would not be any less ambitious if I do not make a kickass resume and send it to every corporate in town. Please do not think it is laziness. I would rather part with you than lay all day without any dreams and wishes. My idea of ambition is just to write a good book and then once it is done, I would move on to the next one. I would also eavesdrop on conversations and go to public places to soak it all in–so that my writing gets better.
My idea of ambition is to write better blogposts and to draw better doodles. I want to be able to tell better stories. Unfortunately, I might not make any money doing all this or I might not be any good but this doesn’t stop me from doing what I do.
Money has always been a big hassle, Zindagi. I would love to think less about it and think more about what I do with my time on Earth. So, I would love for you to just give me opportunities of living. Even if I wanted to, I can’t sit on a desk and do menial tasks to feed my stomach. I literally, physically can’t do calculations and paperwork. So Zindagi, let us arrange for me a butterfly trap and a fishing hook. I would love if there was a good song to go with it too.
Meanwhile, please just find a way to keep me alive. I would manage the rest.