A final goodbye to Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes

Hello currency notes,

You have had your run, haven’t you? And it was a good run. You were popular especially with the petrol pumps where you were accepted freely and without much questioning. It is kind of romantic that your last goodbye comprises petrol pumps too.

You have sat tight inside mattresses, under pillows, hidden in lockers and have given hopes to many a corrupt man in the country. You were like the secret lovers that people hid in their closets and now, due to this evil Modi, you have to be declared! Do I need to remind people that secret affairs cannot be disclosed?

The evil landlords who earned by taking twenty thousand in cheque and ‘rest’ in cash will now have to take their cash and show it to banks. All the taxes they have evaded, all the money they have laundered, all the stashed away dreams need to be disclosed. What a vulgar display!

Our society has always been the one about hiding and clothing. This new era of nudity is just not right. This era of too much exposure is against the very fabric of Indian culture. Our women have remained behind burka and purdah and our cash, i.e. you have remained in almirahs or closets. “Taxes are for wusses,” is what every businessman dad has told his son. Now the sons are pissed. Their cash, if displayed, can take them to jail. And if they keep it hidden, it will rot because it is already past 12.

Nov 8, 2016, 12 midnight. As the clock struck midnight, India woke up to panic and restlessness. The housewives took out the cash from the lockers and counted it. The husbands calculated things like taxes and interests. Nobody asked the poor notes before making this move. Nobody asked if the notes wanted to go naked, to be bared.

My heart aches for your plight, guys. It really does. My heart also aches for the inconvenience the common man is facing. The left-leaning common man, secular of thoughts and pure of spirit has to now disclose his cash reserve. I do not see the link between the disclosure and patriotism! Why should he bear the brunt of a brutal policy decision? Why should he not revolt and continue using Rs 500 notes as a sign of protest? So what if the note is not a legal tender anymore? Tender feelings are still attached to it.

I know how you must feel, dear currency notes. I know you want to ask the Prime Minister these pertinent questions- “Do you even know how much bravery it requires to ask for bribe? Can you even fathom the hard work that goes into convincing a tenant to pay in all cash because you don’t want to pay taxes? Do you even know the pain of running a business by unscrupulous means and having to part with your hard earned cash?”

My heart bleeds for you but alas, nothing can be done.

So now, F off!

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