When I am alone, am I the same person that you’ve met? I think there might be a difference. I have not seen the me that I am when I am with you. But I have seen you. When I am around, you reach out to your itchy back and scratch that itch, you make those sounds of pleasure and displeasure. I do not think you do it when you are alone. I also don’t think you smile to yourself that much when you are alone.
We are all putting up a show here. When we are around people, we tend to feel more because conveying what we are feeling is the only way one can communicate. Feelings transition to thoughts and thoughts convert to expressions. But, when you are alone, do you grimace as much over old wounds? Do you even notice your physical self as much?
I think we disappear as the company disappears. We become paper and we disappear into our own thoughts. Right now, I am sitting alone and I am not the guy you will meet in person. I am fingers typing on a keyboard, furiously trying to get something out. The itches, the sneezes, the coughs of the physical world are mere distractions. The real self is not in my body but on this screen. Typing, writing, thinking, doing. If you were to watch me though, you would take away a bit of me. You would recreate me in the physical world with every twitch of my eye, every tick of my muscles–as visible and as vivid as it gets.
I like being paper. I like being pen. I like being invisible. I do not seek solitude. I seek you. I seek someone with whom I can be invisible.